The Inner Critic: Why That Harsh Voice Feels Like the Truth and How Therapy Can Help
All of us live with an inner critical voice. It is not something that only affects people who struggle or who are in therapy. It is part of being human. What really makes the difference is not whether this voice exists, but how we relate to it.
Some people have learned, often over time, to recognise this voice as a mental commentary. It speaks, it judges, it warns, but it is not confused with reality. Others, instead, experience the inner critic as absolute truth. Not as a thought, but as a fact. Not as an opinion, but as a description of who they really are. This is often where emotional suffering begins.
Everyone has an inner critic, but not everyone follows it
The inner critic is an internal dialogue made of judgements, demands, comparisons and expectations. It may say that you are not good enough, that you should be doing more, that you failed again. Sometimes it is subtle, other times very loud.
For some people, this voice is clearly recognisable as “just a voice”. It appears, comments, and fades into the background. For others, there is no distance at all. Whatever the inner critic says is taken literally. If it says “you are inadequate”, then that must be true. If it says “you are not enough”, then that is reality.
When this happens, the inner critic becomes extremely powerful, because it is never questioned.
Why the inner critic feels so convincing
The inner critic did not develop to hurt us. In most cases, it developed as a survival strategy.
Criticising yourself first could prevent criticism from others.
Demanding more from yourself reduced the risk of failure.
Being hard on yourself helped you stay in control.
This voice often develops in environments where mistakes were not tolerated, where emotional expression was discouraged, where love or approval felt conditional, or where comparison was constant. Over time, the external critical voice becomes internalised.
What once helped you adapt can later become a source of chronic distress.
An ACT metaphor: the radio that never switches off
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a simple metaphor is often used to explain this process. Imagine that your inner critic is like a radio that is always on.
The radio comments on everything you do. Sometimes it is loud, sometimes it fades into the background. It can be harsh, demanding, or alarming. The key point is this: you do not need to turn the radio off in order to live your life.
If you treat the radio as absolute truth, it will guide every decision you make. You will stop, avoid, overwork, criticise yourself, or push beyond your limits.
If you begin to recognise it as a radio, as a stream of mental noise, you can continue living even while it plays.
The radio may stay on, but it does not have to be in control.
When the inner critic becomes identity
One of the most painful aspects of the inner critic is when it stops being a voice and becomes identity.
It no longer says “you made a mistake”, but “you are a mistake”.
It no longer says “this didn’t work out”, but “you are not capable”.
At this point, the inner critic becomes the lens through which you see yourself, your relationships and your worth. This can lead to low self esteem, fear of failure, procrastination, emotional exhaustion and difficulty enjoying achievements.
Ironically, the harsher the inner critic, the more paralysing it becomes.
Why ignoring it does not work
Many people try to deal with the inner critic by pushing it away or ignoring it. This rarely works. The voice often comes back louder and more persistent.
Therapeutic work does not aim to eliminate the inner critic, but to change the relationship with it. The goal is to move from experiencing it as reality to recognising it as a mental process.
This shift alone can be deeply relieving.
Recognising does not mean obeying
A core idea in ACT is that you can notice a thought without following it. You can acknowledge that the inner critic is speaking without letting it dictate your actions.
This creates space. And in that space, choice becomes possible.
You can choose how to act, even in the presence of self critical thoughts.
How psychotherapy can help
Psychotherapy offers a safe space to explore the inner critic without judgement. It is not about “thinking positively”, but about understanding how this voice developed and what role it plays.
In therapy, people often learn to recognise the inner critic, understand its origins, observe it without becoming fused with it, and gradually build a more flexible and compassionate internal dialogue. Approaches such as CBT, ACT and trauma informed therapy are particularly helpful in this process.
A common clinical experience
Many people describe feeling constantly evaluated from within. Even when they succeed, the inner critic dismisses it as luck or not enough.
In therapy, this often connects to early experiences where worth depended on performance. As the person learns to see the inner critic as one part of their internal world rather than the truth, they begin to feel less tense, more grounded and more present.
The voice may still exist, but it no longer runs the show.
Having an inner critic does not mean there is something wrong with you. What matters is whether that voice is treated as an absolute authority.
Learning to recognise it, step back from it and relate to it differently can profoundly change the way you experience yourself and your relationships.
If this resonates with you, exploring this process with a professional can be helpful. You can schedule a free 10 minute consultation to learn how Mindscape clinicians can help. Alternatively, you can fill out the form with your preferred call time and contact number, and a team member will contact you within 48 hours.
