5 myths about grief

Grief is something nearly everyone encounters at some point, yet the stories we’re told about what it should look like often make the process even more painful. Phrases like “be positive” or “they’re in a better place” usually come from kindness, but they don’t always match the lived reality of loss. For someone grieving, these messages can create pressure, shame or uncertainty about whether they’re “feeling the right things.”

Many common beliefs about grief aren’t just inaccurate they can stop people from recognising their own experience as valid. The truth is simple: there’s no “correct” way to grieve. No rulebook. No standard timeline. Letting go of what we think grief should be often opens space for what it truly is.

Myth 1 - “Grief Has Stages You Must Follow”

A widespread belief is that grief unfolds in neat, predictable stages. This idea can make people feel like they’re failing if they don’t move through emotions in a particular order. But grief doesn’t progress like a checklist. You might feel angry one week, numb the next, and peaceful the week after, only to be overwhelmed again months later.

What Actually Helps

Healing is rarely linear. It often involves revisiting emotions, finding support, expressing your pain and allowing yourself to move back and forth between feelings. There’s no stage you “should” be in. There’s only the place you’re in right now, and that place is legitimate.

Myth 2 - “Talking About Your Loss Makes It Worse”

Many people hesitate to speak about their grief because they worry it will reopen wounds or burden others. Some even believe staying silent is the healthiest approach. But for many, avoiding the topic can make them feel isolated and misunderstood.

Why Openness Matters

Sharing your experience whether with a friend, a therapist or through writing can help make sense of overwhelming emotions. Talking doesn’t increase grief; it gives grief somewhere to go. Silence, on the other hand, often intensifies the weight you’re carrying.

Myth 3 - "You Must Hold It Together for others"

People who are grieving often feel pressure to remain composed, especially if they’re caring for family, organising practical matters or are viewed as the steady one in the group. But forcing yourself to “hold it together” can mean pushing down feelings that need attention.

Strength Can Mean Falling Apart

Real strength isn’t about pretending you’re fine. It might look like crying, asking someone to sit with you, or admitting you’re overwhelmed. Sometimes strength is simply surviving the day. Being honest about your needs is far more courageous than hiding your pain.

Myth 4 - "If You’re Not Crying, You’re Not Grieving"

Not everyone expresses grief through tears. Some feel numb. Some become irritable or distant. Others keep themselves busy with responsibilities. Everyone mourns differently, and the absence of tears does not mean the absence of grief.

Grief Doesn’t Always Look the Way You Expect

Grief can appear as exhaustion, headaches, irritability, forgetfulness or emotional waves that strike without warning. The idea that you must show your grief outwardly is misleading and harmful. However your grief shows up is valid—quiet or loud, visible or hidden.

Myth 5 - You Should Be “Over It” By Now

There is no deadline for grief. You might continue to feel moments of sadness long after others assume you should be “back to normal.” That doesn’t mean you’re stuck it means your love and your loss still matter.

Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

Moving on implies leaving your loss behind. Moving forward means living your life while still carrying your memories and your connection. You can laugh again, make plans and feel joy while still missing the person you lost. These things can coexist.